Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

Somebody give Gibert a sandwich so he can get the hell out of there

960 - Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen...  in Slow Motion

I remember my sisters loving these two girls back in the days of Full House. I also thought they appeared to be how I imagined shaved Gremlims would be. Small. Hairless. Pink. Googly eyes. A dark secret. Evil. Hanging with Bob Saget.

So I can only sit back and applaud as somebody edited down one of their kiddie videos to illustrate the sheer creepy light I have always seen them bathed in.


After, Pizza in Slow Motion: 

I don't need to explain why Slow Motion Shaved Gremlins sit in the coveted 960 spot. You singing "gimmee peet-ZAH" everyday next week at work says it all.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Despicable Me: Ever hear of the Law of Diminishing Returns

I would just like to say something. When I first saw the trailer for this movie I thought it looked like it would be pretty good. I like the animated films. Looked like something my 3 year old Murphy would enjoy. I am a big fan of Steve Carrell, Jason Segel, Will Arnett, and the rest of the cast. That being said, I will never see this movie. The constant bombardment of commercials. The little inserts on top of every episode of The Office. Do these marketing people understand that you can start to piss people off when you hear that little girl say, "It's SO FLUFFY!" too many times? Gah! driving me crazy. The level of advertising in general is really starting to sicken me. I am waiting for the day when commercials will be sponsored by other products.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I Got To Say it Was A Good Day

So let's see...

New roof on my house...
My 14 month old daughter melted my heart by merely saying "dad" and smiling when I walked in after an hour commute home...
Didn't have to clean firetrucks like I thought I had to...
The Dunkin Donuts lady got the extra-extra part right...

And, oh yeah....


They needed a shootout on the last day of the regular season to make the playoffs. They were down 3-0 against the Bruins in games and in Game 7 and came back to win both. They are playing for the Stanley Cup starting saturday. Unreal.

Let's hope Richards' escorting the Prince of Wales trophy to the locker room doesn't jinx them at all. Maybe Cindy Crosby snapped that curse last year...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Why They Invented the Internet #6

For this:

I know, I know, this could have existed before the Internet, but the point is I probably wouldn't have seen it unless the Internet was invented and this was posted on it and I stumbled across it.

[Tip of the hat to Funtasticus (site is overall slightly NSFW) for the pic]

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why is Happy Our New Default Setting?

Kids today don't lose.

Kids today are never picked last for games.

Kids today aren't walloped upside the head with a dodgeball.

Kids today go to college and try to diagnose every literary character's mental conditions and prescribe them the same meds they've been on since they were toddlers. It's true. Just heard it on the radio. An NYU english professor was bemoaning the fact that her students can't deal with the fact that Bartleby the Scrivener was a weird dude. They want to figure out what's wrong with him and share their prozac and lithium with him so that he lives a happier life.


Probably because they've never had to deal with disappointment or unhappiness.

This isn't to say that there aren't kids out there who need to be treated for various illnesses, mental and physical, because there certainly are. BUT, from what I hear from parents of young children, their kids never have to deal with what adults my age dealt with as kids.

My colleague at work has three kids. The two oldest play little league. They are 9 and 7. They've never lost a game until this year, since no one keeps score until they are deemed old enough to handle it. And in every game this year, every kid has to hit and field. So no one feels bad.

I played t-ball when I was 6, 7 and 8. They didn't keep score then either. But the kicker was, the kids all did. We certainly did. We knew who won and lost. And we went about our 6, 7, and 8 year old lives happily win or lose. As long as we got Slurpees. And I was terrible. I was put into the deepest part of the outfield. Or, if you prefer, the shallowest outfield position on the adjacent field, in the middle of another game. Why? Did I mention I was terrible.

You know what that taught me? Baseball wasn't my game. Nor was basketball, where I couldn't hide in the deep outfield. Soccer was ok. Street hockey was my world and I was good at that. I didn't dwell on being bad at baseball. I learned to deal with the disappointment of playing poorly, of losing almost every game, of hitting the tee farther than the ball. I adjusted and learned that I wouldn't always be happy. And I hope to buck the trend of today with my daughter. She'll lose, she'll play poorly, she'll be sad and disappointed. She'll learn to deal with this and the fact that happiness is not guaranteed.

That's the way life was and should be. Happiness should not be our default. We should expect the occasional disappointment and failure and learn to deal with them. Happiness will return, disappointments will fade, success will visit once again.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Stupid Commercial Jogs Memory

I just saw the stupid commercial for Walmart's new house brand that supposedly will allow me to serve my spouse and 4 or 5 kids, all under 7, tacos for less than $2 a serving.

All I could think of was these, staples of my childhood:

Not necessarily potted meat and cola, but those plain black and white labels with the red stripes at the bottom. There they were mixed in with the normal cereals everyone else had. I know we had our share of normal stuff too, but we had plenty of No Frills stuff as well. And I'm sure they didn't have slick commercials with incredibly photogenic people smiling about how great the No Frills family of products was.

Back in the late 70's and very early 80's we lived in an apartment complex across a relatively busy street from a shopping center with first a Pantry Pride, which begat an A&P which then begat a Pathmark. Back in the day my parents thought nothing of sending their 5-year-old across Crittenden Street to the supermarket for whatever. I'm glad they did, but it just goes to show how different things are today when parents would go to jail for letting their 5 year old go to the store alone and a major chain can make their No Frills-ish house brand look desirable.

[Thanks to Thanks A Lot Pal for the No Frills pics. If I wasn't lazy I could probably dig up a family picture of a birthday party with a 2 liter bottle of "Cola" on the table in the background]

Friday, March 12, 2010

Why They Invented the Internet #5

So that we can celebrate that wonderful time of year when we fill out our brackets and follow the tournament as the field whittles from 64 to that hallowed ground of the final four and then finally to the big winner.

March Madness?

Nope. It's once again time for The Name of The Year Tournament.

Who will arise to assume the mantle from last year's winner, Barkevious Mingo?

Spartacus Bernstein?
Lolita Respectnothing?
Spontaneous Gordon?
Or my lock to win it all, God's Power Offor?

This is one bracket worth filling out and one tournament worth following. At least there won't be 10 timeouts called in the last 30 seconds of these games...

UPDATE: The brackets are out!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

961 - Bop Bop 'n Rebop

Ever have an out-of-the-blue remembrance of something from your childhood that seems so outrageous that you begin to doubt the very existence of the thing you're remembering?

I had that happen today.

I remembered a game I had as a kid that I was pretty sure was called Bop Bop 'n Rebop. But could there actually have been such a game? With a name that sounds like a Cyndi Lauper remix?

Indeed there was:

As I remember it, the platform in the middle of the game spun around like crazy sending the "puck" flying all over the board. You had to slide your little guy (or girl...I forgot how hot I thought that girl was) back and forth your opening to keep the puck in the game. It came with two fences so you could block off two of the openings if you didn't have all four players.

I know I loved this game, but I have zero recollection of what happened to it. I wish I knew.

Thanks to Board Game Geek for verifying that this game actually exists!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why They Invented the Internet #4

So that some day I could get home at 9:30 pm from a meeting and have my wife say, "you probably already saw this, but..." And then proceed to show me these slices of awesome:


I have no idea where they came from or what they are, but they are fantastic. Also fitting that my wife was referred to them by a lady at work whose daughter likes them. Her middle school aged daughter.

Ghost Signs in Your Own Backyard

Ghost signs aren't just for big cities. This one commands the skyline very close to my suburban home:

I'm not sure if Jeff's Mom was worth Josh's time or not.

And, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I apologize for the long hiatus. I've been working feverishly on another site for the last few months, when I actually had a working computer. Hopefully, more to come!