Dead Humans Can't Find This Funny

The Mighty Conchords rule. Turn up your speaker and take a long look in the mirror.

Old Things are Cool

I am rehabbing my almost 70 year old house. While tearing out ductwork and an adjoining old beam the typical dusty rain of debris hit the floor: old bits and bobs of things that burrow under carpets, between floorboards and are dropped/inserted into registers.

The air was crunchy with the history and the tectonics of old home life.

This is how I found a 1943 penny.

A few of you Numismatics may know what this discovery implies right away but I didn’t until I did a search on “1943 P…” and Google completed the search before I finished typing “… enny.” A popular search return? You bet. Check it out.

When I picked it up I knew from the corrosion and the year that the war was on at that time and copper was rationed for the war machine. That was enough for me, as a history/war buff. 1943 was a turning point in WW eye-eye in many ways and I had a piece of it in my hands. Kewl.

Did you check out the link above yet? No? Now? Yeah? Ok, so you know I drove home right away to do the magnet test, just to be sure. Without telling my wife (why tease her) I grabbed one of my daughter’s magnets and held it over the penny.

Click. Steel. Damn.

And that’s how it goes for a German with a 1943 penny. Stupid Karma wheel.

Still, as far as cheap thrills go, it was worth every penny (cue Laverne and Shirley laughtrack.)

Another old Penny, oddly enough also from 1943, probably worth at least 80K... in laughter.

A Brief Glimpse Into the Distant Past

Ladies and Gentleman, the Friendly Friends have been a touring act for many, many years at this point. What started as a two-man team with Matt on the mound and Sweaty batting cleanup became at the very least a trio with the addition of me, Jewbacca, as well as many others.

But if there was a way to travel back in time and film a fictional meeting between Lil Matt, Lil Sweaty and Lil Jewbacca this would be it:



This post is meant in no way to be a Mastercard commercial. It's just unfortunate that the mythical first meeting of three of the Friendly Friends is best summarized by a Mastercard commercial.

Who really runs things in Florida...

If you haven't had the opportunity to live in Central Florida within the last 5 years or so like me and the Sweaty Irishman you haven't had a chance to see who really runs the show. It's not the people. It's not the Governor. It's not even the Mafia. It's this guy:

Who is this charismatic and optimistic guy? An Asian Bunson Honeydew? NO!

He is the man with no name. He doesn't exist in real life. He only exists on the TV tube, as the owner and appliance connoisseur of local upstart Appliance Direct.

What started as a small mom and pop establishment of a few stores, Appliance Direct now stands tall, with this fellow pictured above reigning over Central and South Florida's Appliance empire like an Asian Al Capone controlling the market with an iron thumbs-up. No one steps on his turf and lives to tell about it.

What began as short commercials showcasing the latest products and developments, he's now the William Randolph Hearst of public access television all across the Sunshine State. With his folksy catch phrases to his personal demonstrations of the durability and design of each and every dishwasher to washing machine, he tightens his grip. He is a veritable god of home gadgets: The Whiz of the Whirlpool, Master of Maytags.

Here's a few of his clips:


One of the Irishman's Favs





So, where does this story go from here? That's a good question. At the rate he's taking control of the state, be on the lookout for a store opening near you sometime in the near future. He loves appliances and you'd better fall in line. He's already too powerful, resistance is futile. Or as he would say... It's WACKIE NU-NU!

Dear Unnamed Deity in Heaven,

Please, oh please, oh pretty please let this be a joke:

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

This has got be a joke right? From The Onion perhaps?

Well, it ain't from The Onion, but from here.

Sweaty, as our Colorado Correspondent, please check with Mrs. Sweaty to see if she can recollect any other strange surgery stories coming out of North Denver.

Big ups once again to Fark.com.

[UPDATE: Phew! It was a joke. As much as I wanted to chalk it up to satire all along, it would not be all that outrageous in this day and age to see a story like that.]

Some posts write themselves...

From my favorite work time-waster Fark.com comes this story outta Arizona about a boutique that has, of all things, a "Butt-Cam":

Shoppers are checking out their back half, not in a mirror, but on a TV screen. The Butt Cam at Hub Clothing in Scottsdale is capturing a side of shoppers they haven't seen.

A camera that lets shoppers see their derrieres on a TV screen? What could possibly go wrong?

"We're even thinking of doing a best of and putting it on DVD for the year, 'Best Butts of '08' or whatever, yeah," Simon says.

Yeesh. So if the camera gives the wrong answer to the age-old question: "Honey, does this make my butt look big?", does it get its butt kicked?

Story courtesy of azcentral.com.

Does your butt look big in those jeans? Can a man ever answer that question correctly?

Holy McCr@p!!

Back in May, I brought you this fine analysis of the fine mascots of Philly and how they stacked up to the fine mascots of Pittsburgh, and I believe I called it on behalf of Philly.

I see that I may have been slightly premature in declaring it Philly 2 and Pittsburgh 0. With news of the naming of this nightmare of focus groups and too many marketing idiots the final score is actually Philly: Eleventy Billion and Pittsburgh 0.

The name chosen out of 70,000 submitted?
Are you sitting?
Mrs. Jewbacca I am looking in your direction. Please sit down.
Ahem,
STEELY MCBEAM!!!

What? The? F?

I blame a show that I hate, without ever having seen a single episode for this name. If it wasn't for that doctor show on ABC where the women use stupid nicknames for the men, non of this would have ever happened.

I'm not the only one. The fine folks at With Leather and Kissing Suzy Kolber have much better analysis of this unfortunate turn of events. Check them out.

Dirk Diggler Hates Digitaler Cabler

For the 13th time I tried to watch Boogie Nights, a movie which I’ve only seen pieces of before in popular reference, as it is on my list of Must See Movies (along with The Godfather which I finally saw.)

Over the last 12 times that I tried to sit and watch it on Comcast Cable, the feed goes jerk-ass on the fritz and I’m left blue-balling, in an expectations sense.

So the last time I sat down to watch two nights ago I looked at my patient Harry Potter-reading wife and said, “Watch this…” knowing comes comes next, no pun intended.

7 minutes into the show the feed stutters and drops like an epileptic playing Halo.

My wife didn’t seem impressed or surprised but I know she was, deep down where it's dark and there is a dripping noise with echo. As for me, I’m left torn and sad, wondering why the cosmos picks this of all things to test me with.

So I avail myself to the Friendly Friends...

Olivia (Dropping handful of buisness cards): "Sure you can use my phone..."

Should I eject and focus on something else to obsess about, like Olivia Munn, or buzz the tower by power-walking straight up to Best Buy and asking for one fresh copy of Boogie Nights right over the PA, in a French accent?

Question of the Day...

Today is Butch Patrick's 54th birthday. That's right...Eddie Munster is 54 years old.

And if The Simpsons have taught us anything, he still looks exactly the same.

In honor of Mr. Patrick and the residents of 1313 Mockingbird Lane today's question is:

Who (or what) was the hottest Munster?

Vote at the tippy-top of this here page.

[UPDATE: Blogger polls aren't working. Feel free to vote in the Comments]

Question of the Day...

Ye olde questione of thee Daye celebrates the 233rd Anniversarye of the Discoverye of ye olde Oxygen. For on thouest day in 1774, Joesph Priestley starred in the hit teen drama Philadelphia, 19107 discovered oxygen whilst tutoring studentes in jolly olde England.

Discovering oxygen begs the question:

Name an easier discovery.

As always, answer at the top right of this here site.