Wednesday, May 2, 2007

That's A Mascot???? I Thought I Saw Him On To Catch a Predator.

Mrs. Jewbacca is a die-hard, Pittsburgh-born Steelers fan. She also was a child in the western end of the state during the "We Are Family" days of the Pirates. She also enjoys ripping apart Philadelphia sports traditions, like booing little kids playing hockey between periods of a Flyers game, eating scrapple, throwing battery-laden snowballs and generally choking. So we tend to argue quite a bit about the mascots that represent our respective baseball teams. She likes to pick on the Phillie Phanatic by asking "What is it, besides some leftover shag carpeting from the 70s" and I respond by making fun of the tough "parrot" mascot the Bucs employ.

It's easy to see the clear winner here, correct? I mean the Phanatic is, the Phanatic and that Parrot is, pretty bush-league if you ask me. Possibly an acceptable mascot for the Podunk Parrots of the Short-Season Rookie Community College Intramural League. It looks like a horrible genetic incident involving Jamie Farr, Big Bird and The Schmoo.

But until now, there has been no argument over our respective football teams' mascots. I pretend the Eagles don't have one and she held her head high over the fact that the Steelers didn't have one.

That is...until now:

All I can say is: game, set, match Jewbacca. Philly Mascots 2, Pittsburgh Mascots -infinity. Share your thoughts in the comment section. I think he looks like a laid-off steelworking peeping tom. He even comes in handy mug shot mode so that it is easier to identify him from the quick glance you catch of him as he tramples the bushes outside your kid's window making a quick getaway. I've seen this guy in my nightmares.


FFMatt said...

I agree with you, Jewbacca.

This guy is no friendly-friend. He is every idiot contractor I had to work with… the glazed, vapid grin enabled by arrested development, meth and Coors. He is the highschool football star living in the past ala Uncle Rico and he is the insatiable, leering smile of every moronic guy that made it harder for women to trust me as a man based on dating a mistake like him first.

He’s the pig that farts in the night.

And he's obviously Union. Strike three.

I have lots of friends from Pennsyltucky and this guy isn’t a caricature of any of them, at least nobody you’d want to represent as the “best face” of a population. Hell, Hip Hop is stronger out of the gate than this Sin City/Fisher Price re-re.

I sense the marble-dusted hands of the Freemasons here. Now they are REAL craftsmen.

Anonymous said...

You can all eat poop! And I will start a blog called "My husband and his poop licker friends!" This is obviously a characature of a steelworker, of which people from "the burgh" are very proud. We are proud of our strong, hardworking Scott-Irish heritage. And what heritage does Philly have? Um......cheesesteaks anyone? Yeah, you have Independence Hall and all of that, but this Steelworker could kick Ben Franklin's butt in a "steel" cage match and that is all the matters. Darwinism is a bitch.

FFMatt said...

I know who you are and you are using my well-crafted phrase! One I haven't launched on this blog yet! Damn you!

You are a deadwoman! Don't you dare show your face around the combo KFC/Taco Bell tonight or you will be a dish best served cold.

(starts breakdancing practice with crew)

FFJewbacca said...

Git her, pa.