Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#978- Boba Fett

I'm not Friendly and I'm not your Friend.

What?!? You don’t like Boba Fett? Kiss my black ass then because you just don’t know. Who got the drop on a Jedi like Luke? Fett did. Who was the only guy to get sassy with Vader and survive? Fett. Who survived the Sarlacc? Fett did.

Fett is as Jedi/Sith as you can be without that lame midi-chlorian bullshit. In fact, Fett is like every good general contractor or landscaper I know. No matter who the customer is, that customer is at the mercy of the guy doing the job and sometimes you just have to accept that. Vader knew he was getting charged for municipal mulch in his flowerbeds but paid premium anyway.

Don’t stand in the way of the man while he’s working.

His favorite weapon? Everything.

His favorite music? Credits and heads smacking together.

His antiperspirant? None. I said everything is a weapon.

Vader, Donna. Donna, Vader. Thanks for sending Fett over, my lawn looks great and COBRAAA!!! Sorry, my Turette's there. Anyway...

If you can’t tell by now, Boba Fett is a McDLT of cool side Spagetti Western ala Clint Eastwood and hot action like Run Run Shaw beat-ass chumpies.

For that, Fett chooses to take and hold the #978 spot on the Definitive 1000… until he has no more use for it.

Wha?!? Yeah, Fett is my idol... listen, can we do this later?!? I'm a little busy...

1 comment:

FFJewbacca said...

And FFMatt should know. The only wedding I've ever been to featuring a life sized cut-out of Boba Fett.