Monday, February 25, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#974 - TV Signoffs

Channel 17 was the home of the second tier cartoons and road Flyers and Phillies games.

FFJewbacca: When the Friendly Friends were just wee lads, these things appeared at the end of every "broadcast day" on the over-the-air channels in Philly. Yes, wee FF's watched TV until the end of the broadcast day.

Quite honestly, I had completely forgotten about them until today when there was a link to one of the best time wasting websites ever on Fark (which is, oddly enough, also one of the best time wasting websites).

The link in question took me right to J. Allan Wall's and took up most of my afternoon at work. He has a great little Philadelphia section that immediately took me back.

There's something comforting and peaceful about these things. When I was a kid, if I was up late enough to see one of these things, it usually meant that something was wrong. Somehow seeing the signoff made things feel more calm and relaxed. If the TV was going to sleep for the night, then maybe I should too.

FFMatt: Like rotary phones, pagers and even cassette tapes to an extent, my kids have no idea what this is about. Also, one of the links takes you to the sign-off for New Year's eve 1986... my Freshman year of high school. You know I was watching that one, not celebrating with a cute girl at some "rad" party. In fact, I was almost certainly sitting in long johns and a Member's Only jacket on my couch wondering if we'd get heat back in the house anytime soon.

No one can honestly say that a screaming idiot with a British accent selling some sort of oxygenating, ink removing, floor steaming food dehydrator is better than this!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly About This Day in History

Invented everything... including your mom.

On this date in 1878 Thomas Alva Edison received a patent for his phonograph machine, allowing for the playing of recorded sound.

On this date in 1977 Fleetwood Mac releases “Rumours,” the single most overrated album of all time.

Seriously guys... sleep more than 13 minutes a day. And stop fucking so much. At this point you can't tell where a beard ends and pubes begin.

According to the Sweaty Irishman they celebrated by throwing a full-on, 70’s orgy complete with special guest Lou Ferrigno. He has it on good authority that Lou Ferrigno was involved in 71% of all orgies in the 70’s while Bill Bixby took his place in the other 29%. Of course, that might just be Sweaty's overactive imagination...

Dear god let's hope so.

You know Linsdey is thinking, "Thank god this rash I got from The Hulk has temporarily robbed me of sight... it smells really, really weird right now."

Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#975 - Randall "Tex" Cobb

Why include Randall “Tex” Cobb in the list of the Definitive 1000 things?

It’s not enough that he’s awesome?

So you need more?

Well how about his acting roles?

He is the king of all “That Guys.” This is obvious when you peruse his characters’ names:

Sailor, Wolf, Big Guy in Gas Station, Burglar, Gruff Man, Big Hairy Con, Skull.

He has been in more movies and TV shows than I can list here.

Of course, his best role is undoubtedly as Leonard Smalls in “Raising Arizona.” He was a tracker extraordinaire. He displayed uncommon logic telling Nathan Arizona: “You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.” He was bought on the black market for $30,000 and that was 1954 dollars. And of course, he got blowed up good.

How about his record as a boxer? 43-7-1 with 36 wins by KO?

Still not enough?

Then how about this:

Yesterday, at age 54, after careers as a boxer and as an actor, Tex Cobb graduated from college. With honors. From Temple University.

That’s correct. Randall “Tex” Cobb is a graduate of Temple U. And it wasn’t easy:

Cobb has been working at a construction job, then taking SEPTA to Temple's campus. During the most recent SEPTA strike, he walked to class from Southwest Philly.

For those not familiar with the geography of Philly, Temple is in north Philly. This is on a good day an 8 mile walk from one of Philly’s worst neighborhoods into another not so nice one. And he did it after swinging a 12 pound hammer at a construction site.

And for these reasons, Friendly Friends, Randall “Tex” Cobb deserves a spot in the Definitive 1000.

Many thanks to for Mr. Cobb's roles.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

New 64 Count Crayola Box Set Colors

1. Britney Blue
2. Obama (previously Tiger Woods)
3. iColor
4. Uncle's Lap (Previously Happy Place)
5. Zebra

Monday, February 11, 2008

We're Going to Need a Bigger Coffin

Holy shit. Roy Schneider, the dream of every kid who had a deadbeat Dad in the 70's (cop AND shark slayer) has passed at 75. What a guy.

I'm stunned. I alway thought I'd meet him in an airport someday.

Known for many roles but most famous for Jaws, Roy was like the average Dad that became a hero. Moral center, father figure, smoker, drinker, shark marksman (sharksman?)... the list goes on. He knows what Richard Dryfuss smells like wet. Only real men survive that to 75.

Roy, we'll miss you.

Is it true that the author of Jaws has also just passed, Peter Benchley? At the same time?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#976 - Ron Hextall

On the occasion of his enshrinement into the Philadelphia Flyers Hall of Fame (and as I type, a 4-1 drubbing at the hands of the Caps) I hereby also enshrine Mr. Hextall into the Definitive 1000.

I'm not going to attempt to argue his place in hockey history by reciting stats. I'm not a strong numbers guy.

The following random thoughts that occurred to me while watching Hexy getting choked up while making his acceptance speech should be enough. It's our list we'll do as we please...

1. As a young pup Flyers fan who spent two days crying when Pelle Lindbergh died, the feeling of hope that sprung from Hexy's rookie season was enough to restore my faith in the Orange and Black.

2. As a tall, skinny, lanky lad I began my glorious street hockey goaltending career after seeing how Hexy stood on his head to keep the net clear.

3. I dented plenty of Mylec goal posts ringing my Air-Flo goalie stick off of them imitating Hexy's tic positioning trick. I also knocked over the net plenty of times doing this.

4. When I was 14 the Mighty Malagan begged to go to the Flyers' Wives Fight For Lives Carnival for his birthday. I waited in line forever to get my picture taken with Hexy. As luck would have it, the camera started acting up and I got to sit next to my idol for about 10 minutes while they fixed it.

5. He stood up for his a fault. Ask Kent Nillson or Chris Chelios about that.

6. He took the Flyers to within a game of the Stanley Cup against the mythically powerful Edmonton Oilers and made a city believe that the Flyers could knock off possibly the greatest NHL team of all time.

And then, of course, there's this:

That was the first of two career goals.

So we may not have a bust to display at Friendly Friends World HQ or a commemorative oil painting to present, but The Friendly Friends proudly induct Ron Hextall into the Definitive 1000.

For much better coverage of this event, please visit the best Philadelphia sports blog out there, The 700 Level. Make sure you scroll through. There is a wealth of Hexy stuff.

UPDATE: Caps 4, Flyers 3. There'll be a lot of discussion about the disallowed goal...

Friday, February 1, 2008

Top Five New Fast Food Chains in Iraq

  1. Long John Sniper

  2. McFemur’s: Fries, Shakes and Triage

  3. Halliburger

  4. Abdul Al-Irham Assad’s Steamed Mutton Fun Time Wacky Factory

  5. New Country Buffet

District Manger Jones and local labor rep work out flextime