The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive?
Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.


#998 - Angelina Jolie

The Good

I am so confused every time I see Angelina Jolie. Whether I see her in a movie, on a magazine cover, or perhaps as I did last night as the lead story on Extra. I am not certain but I think she was trying to adopt a Panda. Maybe confused isn't the right word. Conflicted may be more accurate. I have not been more sexually aroused by, and at the same time mentally repulsed by anyone since I met Jewbacca!

The Bad

I mean, come on! You are hot! Stop being you! Being the daughter of Midnight Cowboy, she should consider herself lucky in the hotness catagory, but does she have to ruin it by doing anything other than keeping her mouth shut and putting on and taking off her clothes every once in a while? That is all I ask! I am a simple man. I mean, wearing a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around your neck. Bringing your brother as a date to an awards show and actually treating it like a DATE! Can't you just change your name to Lara Croft and swing around my townhouse on cables while I eat some popcorn. I swear, I think she tried to adopt me last week. Ok, well I just wanted to add Angelina to the 1000. I defy anyone to name anyone more attractive and more repulsive...leave Jewbacca out of it.

And The Freaky!

That's her brother man!