Thursday, January 24, 2008

O, Canada...

Dear Canada,

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for hosting me and the Mighty Malagan this past weekend. We had a great time.

You introduced me to wonderful new food experiences. I had heard of poutine before and was pretty sure it was a joke. French fries, brown gravy and cheese curds layered in a bowl. I have to say, it was beyond delicious.

This is poutine. Strong stuff. Actually it is very, very tasty.

Another gastronomic delight that I had never partaken of was served on both of my cheeseburgers: real Canadian, or peameal, bacon. This stuff is good. In fact it made up for the two scorched burgers you served me. It also made up for the strange dipping sauce you served me with my wings.

I guess "round ham" is not the same as Canadian bacon...

Somehow even your Canadian musical superstars such as Rush, Barenaked Ladies, Tom Cochrane and even Len, sound better rolling down your highways.

It was also very nice of you to replace the apostrophe in Denny's with a maple leaf, so that we wouldn't forget we were visiting you. In fact, you provided this service with just about every international brand store and restaurant. A wonderful service.

As for the hockey, well that was sublime. The GM Centre in Oshawa is a great place to watch a game. And thanks to Paula and Jerry for discussing Generals hockey with us for two games.

And the Peterborough Memorial Centre is no slouch either. A little small inside but not a bad seat in the house.

Who's the hottie?

The Oshawa Generals lost a tough game on Friday to the Belleville Bulls, who are apparently sponsored by Schlitz. The Generals played a total of 80 good seconds of hockey the entire game. On Saturday night, they bounced back against the Peterborough Petes tying the game with 1.2 seconds left and taking it in the shootout. Did I mention their goalie was a call-up from Jr. A and was playing in his first OHL game? On Sunday the Gens put away the Sarnia Sting. But you were there Canada, I don't need to remind you.

The Belleville Schlitzes??

One thing you should learn from us though, you don't need to blast music at every stoppage of play. Especially not "Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It." Play some nice organ music. Trust me. It would be nice to be able to talk to the person next to you during a stoppage. Don't make our mistake.

And thanks for hosting the Hockey Hall of Fame. It was sure nice to walk around Toronto wearing my Flyers toque. And it was nice to read the plaque below while wearing the same toque.

Oh yeah, and we found this on the other side of Mr. Clarke. Hopefully we'll be seeing it in person again real soon.

Mr. Horton helped us get moving on our 8 hour overnight drive home.

So thank you Canada. We had a blast.


She is wearing a toque. See if you can spot it.

Monday, January 14, 2008

WTF: Advertising Edition

Friendly Friends, if there is one thing that makes me scratch my jewfro and launch into a grand mal rantin' and ravin' session, it's when Madison Avenue uses an inappropriate song for a commercial.

None of these are new by the by. But they stick in my craw something fierce.

First and foremost is the use of this classic:

To advertise a cruise line. A cruise line.

Let that sink in.

This cruise line shows happy families taking advantage of all of the family amenities these floating petri dishes offer. And playing under the shots of the happy family is Mr. Pop's snarling.

So how do the lyrics:
Here comes Johnny Yen again/with the liquor and drugs/and a flesh machine/he's gonna do another strip tease...

(plus the other ones about having it in his ear before, beating his brains with the aforesaid liquor and drugs and of course the torture film)

sell a family cruise line?

Easy! Apparently in the cruise company commercial Johnny Yen just shows up with a Lust for Life. No mention of hypnotizing chickens or his GTO or any controlled substances. Just Johnny and his Lust for Life.

Second on my list is the thankfully abandoned Wrangler campaign that showed just how red and white and blue Wranglers are. Why they're more American than Mom and apple pie.

Know how I know that?

Because a bunch of idiots playing flag football (or fishing, I can't remember) with this song playing in the background told me so:

So when the lyrics proclaim:
Some folks are born made to wave the flag /ooh, they're red, white and blue./ And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief"/oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord/ It ain't me, it ain't me/I ain't no senator's son/It ain't me, it ain't me/ I ain't no fortunate one, no...

how did Wrangler convince us all that they are uber-American and basically the bomb?

Well by cutting off the words after "Some folks are made to wave the flag/ooh the red white and blue" that's how.

Turns a protest song into a rallying cry for patriotic idiots to buy Wranglers right quick, don't it?

I hate this stuff.

It's bad enough to hear classic songs being used to shill for mega-corporations, but at least they could use a more appropriate song. I guess it's easier to just assume that we're all idiots and that we believe that Iggy Freaking Pop was thinking about taking his family on a cruise when he penned his anthem of hard living in the late 70's. And John Fogerty reeeeaaaalllyyy hoped that his protest of the preferential treatment of the well connected during the Vietnam War would sell dungarees.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#977 - Tur-Duc-Hen

Ever since I witnessed John Madden karate chop-carve a tur-duc-hen after a Thanksgiving NFL game several years ago, I have been plotting ways to deliver one to my table for one of the turkey/ham axis holidays.

Problem always was, we didn't host any of those feasts.

This year, the Jewbaccas hosted Christmas (only one of us can rightfully claim the Jewbacca mantle) for Mrs. Jewbacca's family and, well darn it all Friendly Friends if the Jewbaccas didn't bring the Tur-Duc-Hen. And bring it strong.

Before you register your outrage over the spelling of Tur-Duc-Hen, get a load of this:

Was it tasty, you ask? Judge for yourself:

From this... this!

It was delicious and incredibly easy to make. It was as good as the combination of chicken, duck, turkey, spicy cornbread filling and rice sounds.

Friendly Friends, I have the distinct privilege of dubbing the Tur-Duc-Hen a knight of the roundtable of the Definitive 1000.

On the other hand, this mess, provided by The Mighty Malagan for Thanksgiving, isn't allowed anywhere near the D 1000.

This culinary Hindenburg was supposed to be a green bean casserole. It did have green beans. Uncooked. With tomato sauce and about a pound of cheddar cheese. It tasted like burning. Sweaty was there. He hasn't been the same since.