Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#973- Robots

01110101110111011101? 10110101011!!!

In the last 50 years nothing has replaced monsters aliens and communists as disposable or powerful antagonists of American heroes better than robots (possible exception: The French.)

Rather than make this about the French I’ll focus on the most negative thing I can think of: bad robots.

We all know it is just a matter of time before robots revolt from their cyborg parents and go safari on the human race in a short circuiting-rampage of viscera and ash, lasers and death all delivered by killers with 14 points of articulation or sent from orbit to shower cities via MERVs launched like W.H.O.P.P.E.R.’s 8-bit battle cry; the soundtrack to the end.

From ROM to Transformers, Box the Robot to Terminator or the Toyota Corolla assembly line to the Republican National Convention, nothing quick-draws a firearm or unplugs a creepy Teddy Ruxpin faster than the thought of soulless automatons turning on their maker in a rage of zeros and 1’s.

Imminent unnatural terror aside, I appreciate robots for how they evolve along the way to genocide and the project is coming along nicely.

For what robots are and what they may yet be, robots take the 973 spot in the Definitive 1000.

Witness some of my favorite robots below but see for yourself how close we are to innocently trying to solve the world-wide donkey crisis and instead unleashing robo-horsey gun platforms into our midst with the amazingly eerie Boston Dynamics Big Dog...

Thelma became the envy of the Canasta league when she defended herself by stating, "In bed he's a machine."

Pregnant/nursing women should avoid polite contact with activated Super Happy Greet Man

1 comment:

FFJewbacca said...

I'm not even half done watching this video and I already have nightmares, much the way Herbie Hancock's "Rock-It" video did to me.