Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#979 - The Amazing Triangular Manhole Cover of Nashua, NH

"Hey Frankie."

"Yeah Vinnie."

"Know somethin'? Know what shape is vastly underrepresented in forged-iron utility grates, coverings and such?"

"No Vin, what shape would that be?"

"The triangle."

"So make some triangular manhole covers. We'll sell 'em up in New England somewheres."

And they did Friendly Friends. They sold them to Nashua, NH.

I almost got run over three times taking pictures of the coolest manhole cover in the known universe. It was worth it.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Celebrities that Probably Smell

In this segment we propose that celebrities stink... and how.

He might smell like what a bad touch would feel like.

What might you smell when you throw a pillowcase full of dead canaries, window glazing compound and moldy coffee into a vaporizer and turn it on? This guy. Just don’t tell him I said so. Me afraid… no, us afraid, us all afraid… of Carrot Top.

The juice I just created in your mind seems just perfect as a stench that Carrot Top would issue. That enough? Too bad. Let me take it a step further for you, and bring it all home.

Kitty litter. With kitty litter, dead canaries, rotting cloth, sickly-sweet moldy coffee and actinic window glaze I just described the smell of a typical corpse from your average funeral home.

And with that, I leave you to drop everything and get to minimum safe distance from a makeup-less party clown that has to smell as dead as the links to a Ralph Nader in ’04 website, a Celebrity… that Probably Smells.