Friday, May 11, 2007

Celebrities That Probably Smell

In this segment we propose that celebrities stink... and how.

Wilford: Once cut a man that called him "playa."

In 1985 the word “Emmy” meant little to little me but Ewoks… there’s a slice of fried gold to a Star Wars pup. The Battle for Endor was a TV movie starring Wilford Brimley that actually received nominations and an Emmy. But why fried gold? Because of Ewoks. Where you have Ewoks you have bad guys (one opinion) and they strive to kill all Ewoks. So this movie had me at “kill Ewoks,” as I’m behind that as a rule.

And then there was Wilford.

Fuzzy. Primal. Short tempered. Fur-bearing. Armed. Lives in trees. I don’t know if I’m referring to Ewoks or Wilford but I know this much: all apply to both.

Even simmering midgets in Muppet Lab suits filming in a Redwood forest, living on scale and Gatorade would be hard pressed to exceed what I imagine Wilford can do to a fresh breeze.

He must be a contradiction of wafting scents… a grouchy stew of opium smoke, oatmeal and a wet falcon’s nest.

Wilford Brimley crosses the barrier of fact and assails me with a perceived aroma that has never happened to me but must be true: a crotchety old giant among small space bears, a Celebrity… that Probably Smells.


FFJewbacca said...

After that night I spent with Wilford, I have not been able to get the smell of wet falcon's nest out of my nose. It's like a lovely reminder of the amazingness that we shared.

Anonymous said...

You're awesome. Wet falcon's nest. Who thinks of that? And you are so right. That is exactly how I think he would smell. Perfect. Mmmmm, I can smell him right now.