Thursday, May 31, 2007

Maybe I AM the Crazy One

Ladies and gents, break out the Manischewitz (Concord Grape, none of that fancy Elderberry), make yourself a hillel sandwich and...go ahead we recline tonight. It's time for another installment of Jewbacca's Four Questions!

1. What the heck is up with parents today?

Disclaimer right off the bat: I am not a parent. Many of the Friendly Friends are, however, so maybe they can set me straight. But what I cannot fathom is how parents today coddle their children.

Case in point: National Spelling bee in D.C. and the favorite manages to misspell clevis. So instead of teaching her kid how to lose gracefully:
Samir's mother appealed his dismissal, based on subtle differences in how the word's final syllable can be pronounced, but officials rejected her appeal.

And this, after her mature, thoughtful son realized:
"The first thing I thought was c-l-e-v-i-s, and if I had been slow and cautious like I always am, I would have got it right," he said. "But I just outsmarted myself. It was an easy word. I just made a stupid mistake."

By the way, this is a clevis pin

I hear stories about kids sports leagues where they don't keep score and every kid gets a trophy. Why shouldn't parents take these opportunities to teach their kids that there are winners and losers. Lord knows I got enough lessons about that from most of my athletic endeavors as a kid. I didn't get a trophy, ever. I didn't ever do well enough at any sport to avoid being next-to-last picked. But you know what, I learned that we aren't all winners (unless we try, of course).

When I bombed sovereign at the county spelling bee at the Plymouth Meeting Mall in second grade, my parents did not file a protest or a grievance, they told me to buck up and study harder next time and that they were proud.

Then they made me sleep outside tied to a tree for a week. Now, I never misspell sovereign.

2. Did they solve all of the rest of Pennsylvania's problems while I wasn't looking?

So the whole casino gambling for property tax relief thing is fixed? The god-awful state of mass transit in the state is all better? The soaring murder rate in Philly and other cities in the the Commonwealth has been grounded?

What's that you say? No??

How do you explain this article from the Inqy then:

Carroll was prompted to draft the bill - similar to one being considered in New Jersey - when the star player on his 12-year-old son's team came to the plate recently swinging a metal bat as the lawmaker coached first base.

Carroll found himself worrying about the child on the mound. He prayed the hitter would be walked.

"I was afraid of what a ball hit up the middle would do," he said. Carroll (D., Luzerne) also realized that as a legislator, he was now in a position to do more than pray.

Sweet. Jumpin. Jebus. This is what our elected officials in this fine state are up to. The article goes on to say of course that of the 160 million plus at-bats in Little League last year there were 23 reported injuries to pitchers from batted balls and that all of the studies done that show aluminum bats cause the ball to travel faster than wood were done with high school and college players.

But it's good to see that our pols will be tackling this issue because some guy who probably played baseball as well as I did as a kid is afraid of the ball (like I was) is one of those pols. I mean, come on, why waste time on the budget impasse when you can legislate what bats kids use in Little League.

Fine coach, I'd be happy to use that wooden bat instead of the aluminum one.

3. Why are Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears news?
Seriously. Can anyone please explain this to me. I just flipped past CNN Headline News to see that Lohan's possible painkiller addiction was a top story. Why? Why? Why?
I really have nothing else to add to this question. I mean, come on: War in Iraq, escalating tensions in Iran and Russia, gas prices skyrocketing, the environment crumbling and all of the other sleep disrupters going on in the world and these three nothings are top stories? Yikes.

Please. It would have been too easy to give you Paris Hilton. Enjoy instead this picture of THE Paris Hilton.

4. What in the heck is wrong with Massachusetts?
Besides the fact that Boston is located there I mean. A couple of Lite-Brites around the city shut it down for days, they can't dig a tunnel without killing people and charging the taxpayers roughly a gazillion dollars, they have the most ridiculously annoying baseball team and fans, and now this:

A faulty bank fax printed a message that was misinterpreted as a bomb threat Wednesday, leading authorities to evacuate more than a dozen neighboring businesses and a day care center.

Wow. You really need to click here and check out the fax.

Why do people in Massachusetts think that they are in constant, imminent danger of being blowed up? Their accents are annoying sure, and contrary to their beliefs the sun does not shine out of Dice-K's ass, but I really don't think that any of that calls for a bombing. A paddlin', definitely, but no 'splosions.

Thanks for your time. You can go back to eating all that fancy leavened bread now.


FFMatt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FFMatt said...

The mayor of Bahstan recently compelled all Bahstonians to read Dennis Lehane's novels about the world-famous town as a way of showing how friggin' groovy it is. Those 27 people who could read decided that, horrible child abuse stories aside, it proved that everyone was jealous of it and if terrorits/supervillians couldn't have it, no one can. Thus the perception that it's in danger of being blowed up to death. Truth is, most people do feel that way but we're all too tired to do anything about it.

Helicoptor parents suck and blow at the same time. I hate them with my whole body, even my hair and nails. Winning races doesn't build character, losing them reveals it. Death to helicoptor parents, send them all to Boston.