Monday, June 4, 2007

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.
#989 - One Man Power Auger

Never have I loved and loathed a piece of machinery more than the one man power auger. I had my first and unfortunately not my last experience with this power tool this past weekend. SweatyIrishman is in the process of installing a privacy fence in his backyard. I was lucky enough to employ the help of Jewbacca amongst others. It was clear from the 90 degree muggy weather that SweatyIrishman would need at least 4 shirts and three hats for this job. To try and make things easier on all involved I rented this tool from my local hardware store. For some reason I imagined myself holding a lightweight drill that plunged 3 feet into the earth like a tortilla chip into buffalo chicken dip.

What we actually experience was very very different. I realized after 2 minutes of using this machine that my house was apparently built on a steel plate. My always give up, always give in attitude had me wanting to go watch Finding Nemo with my 3 month old 5 minutes in, but thanks to the support system I had with me that weekend, we forged ahead. Whether it be rock hard soil, massive tree roots, brick walls...whatever it was that auger hit, we had a sharp pain and corresponding curse word to go along with it. Each of the three of us that operated the Auger had at least one near death/compound fracture experience. With this wonder tool, we were only able to dig half of the holes required for this mega-fence. The only thing that kept me from dropping my pantaloons and defecating on the auger was the thought of having to dig all of these holes by hand, which would most likely cause the end of 3 friendships, 2 marriages and the deaths of several woodland creatures.

What we most enjoyed was watching the auger drill get stuck in my demon earth as the handles spun unmercifully out of control. Below please view some pictures of the various things we encountered and had to drill through to reach the breathtaking depth of 2 feet.

The Fraggles were not nearly as helpful as I thought they would the end, this is what the first hole looked like...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was hysterical! I nearly peed in my pantaloons!