Fastest to 100, First to 10,000

This guy has 100 career homers??? Stupid GIS!!

As you're aware by now, The Friendly Friends Hall of Mirth from which most of these dispatches emanate is located in the greater Philly metropolitan area (slogan: We're number 6!). As such the Official Baseball Team of the Friendly Friends is the Philadelphia Phightin' Phillies.

We've celebrated the good times, both of them, and we've gnashed our teeth and rent our clothing over the bad times. By bad times I mean most days that end in a "y". We've debated such minutiae as whether Abraham Nunez's slugging percentage made him an everyday player and Sweaty and I nearly completed our suicide pact on October 23, 1993 when Joe F'in Carter hit that home run. I ran around the campus of the U of Delaware like a lunatic when the Phils beat the Braves for the NL pennant that year. And I had a "We're #1" pennant on my wall through my whole childhood, courtesy of that 1980 team.

So it's no wonder that when great things happen to the Phils we take notice and take pride. Big ups then to Ryan Howard, who blasted a 505 foot homer last night to become the fastest player in MLB history to 100 career homeruns, beating Ralph Kiner by 60 games. And not only did it give Ryan the fastest to 100, it was the longest ever hit at the Bank.

Oh....this Ryan Howard

For the second part of the title, the Phils are poised to become the first team in professional sports history to reach 10,000 losses. Think on that for a second. Ten thousand losses. I guess when you've been a team since 1883, that will happen. But 10,000 losses is mind-boggling. I guess it can be taken as a matter of pride that our Phils have been around long enough to amass a record for futility such as this.

In Philly we have little to celebrate. An escalating murder rate, being bumped down the list of most populated cities (not because of the murder rate stupid, because Phoenix keeps annexing the surrounding area), 100 degree/100% humidity days, a failing infrastructure, etc., etc., etc. Why not celebrate 10,000 losses as a sign of longevity and a team that hasn't budged (in many different ways) in 124 years?

From the inception of the Vet in 1971 until 1982, the Phillies' Ball Girls wore "hot pants" and were known as the "Hot Pants Patrol." These girls are also wearing hot pants. And appear to be ready to go on patrol. In their hot pants. QED.