Tuesday, June 19, 2007

10 things sure to happen to the Jewbaccas on their Jamaican Jaunt ™

The Jewbaccas are on vacation. While Sweaty and I do our best to carry on without envy or malice we rest assured that fate is on our side, has a passport, and is fixing the karma wheel to come down hard in paradise.

  1. In witness to their visit, the island is renamed Jewmaica. The gross national product becomes curly hair and the chief export... modest slacks.

  2. Horrible, horrible Herpes parrots!!!

  3. Jewbacca reenacts Steven Segal’s Marked for Death with every alarmed Jamaican male he meets, yelling, “NO! This one is Screwface! HIIIYAHH!!!” Blames rum and commitment.

  4. Shortly after returning home Jewbacca loses his job because he won't stop addressing the Judge as "Mon".

  5. While at a restaurant Jewbacca misunderstands a waitress as she recites the dinner special of "Jerk Chicken". A brawl ensues and Mrs. Jewbacca is forced to bail Jewbacca out of a Jamaican jail. The incident is compounded by the fact that their insurance does not cover the removal of drink umbrellas in Jewbacca's numerous orifices.

  6. Mrs. Jewbacca calls the Jamaican authorities, revealing that Jewbacca left earlier that morning in a Sunfish loaded with weapons, in the direction of Cuba, stating,” I’m finally gonna straighten this shit out honey.”

  7. Jewbacca adds Jamaica to his list of “Places I Did Poo-Poos In”

  8. Mrs. Jewbacca is the only one to return from the vacation. It is believed she snapped after Jewbacca's gross over use of the "Jamaican me" line. Police investigators believe it was "Jamaican me horny" that put her over the edge. Police drop all charges.

  9. Jewbacca OD’s at a double bill beach concert featuring Shabba Ranks and Peter Cetera. Mrs. Jewbacca fakes death and leads an army of reformed drug mules to defraud Citrucel in open court by claiming that “this stuff just doesn’t produce.”

  10. Jewbacca meets an enormous sea turtle in unarmed combat and wins, Mrs. Jewbacca rides the media frenzy and lands lucrative “Totally Dead Huge Sea Turtle” pinup girl status. Line of breakfast cereals recalled for above-average urine content.

All hot Latino women worry about Jewbacca getting near her turtles.

1 comment:

FFJewbacca said...

Every single one of those things happened. Some twice. And you're welcome for the regime change in Cuba.