Friday, December 21, 2007

WTF: Fantasy Sports Edition

ITEM: Me and Sweaty are playing for the championship of our Yahoo! Fantasy League. My Billy Ray Valentine squad is 10-3. Sweaty's Sweaty Irishman squad is a torrid 7-6.

WTF? I started Willie F'in Parker against the St. Louis D over Clinton Portis against the Minnesota D. Sweaty has LT and Brady. I am the champion of the world second place team in an 8 team league.

I don't care if Mrs. Jewbacca is a die hard Stiller fan, I HATE WILLIE F'IN PARKER!

[UPDATE: Sweaty did indeed beat me for the champeenship of our Yahoo! League. I left enough points on the bench to win. That's what stings the most.]

Thursday, December 20, 2007

WTF: Religion Edition

Good morning Friendly Friends. I've made a few observations, just this morning, that truly made me say, WTF?

ITEM: The Vatican is wasting its time publishing editorials against The Golden Compass, calling it "devoid of any particular emotion apart from a great chill." And I know someone whose kids received missives from their Catholic school telling parents to boycott and avoid this film like a Biblical plague.

WTF? I thought the Bible had a lot of that "turn the other cheek" and "live and let live" stuff in it. If people are true believers can't they decide for themselves without help from Rome? I think my mother-in-law would sum it up most succinctly: "Let go, Let God."

ITEM: Apparently, since the Bible verse Isaiah 35:8 states: "And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness, there's a nationwide movement afoot to God up the country, using I-35 as a homebase:

Lujan conducted a five-week 24-hour prayer vigil and organized what he called a "purity siege" along Austin's famed Sixth Street. The sieges are part of the I-35 project, a nationwide movement to save those at bars, gay clubs and abortion clinics in cities along the interstate.

"If you just draw a line right down the middle of the nation, and go to these strategic cities along the way and just cry out holiness and purity, we believe there's going to be a referendum, a change, a radical change in our nation," Lujan said.

WTF? Seriously? Does Isaiah 76:East state "and yea, verily, thy shall not arrivest in thy workplace until well nigh after 9 am"? Can't these people find a Vrigin Mary corn chip to worship?

ITEM: This morning, and a few other times over the past weeks, I saw a new Caddy in front of me with a very interesting VANITY license plate. It reads:


WTF? Isn't PRIDE one of the Seven Deadly Sins? And wouldn't a VANITY license plate BRAGGING about being "Sin Free" be a sin in and of itself?

I'm open to discussion.

Thanks to the always delicious for the links.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#978- Boba Fett

I'm not Friendly and I'm not your Friend.

What?!? You don’t like Boba Fett? Kiss my black ass then because you just don’t know. Who got the drop on a Jedi like Luke? Fett did. Who was the only guy to get sassy with Vader and survive? Fett. Who survived the Sarlacc? Fett did.

Fett is as Jedi/Sith as you can be without that lame midi-chlorian bullshit. In fact, Fett is like every good general contractor or landscaper I know. No matter who the customer is, that customer is at the mercy of the guy doing the job and sometimes you just have to accept that. Vader knew he was getting charged for municipal mulch in his flowerbeds but paid premium anyway.

Don’t stand in the way of the man while he’s working.

His favorite weapon? Everything.

His favorite music? Credits and heads smacking together.

His antiperspirant? None. I said everything is a weapon.

Vader, Donna. Donna, Vader. Thanks for sending Fett over, my lawn looks great and COBRAAA!!! Sorry, my Turette's there. Anyway...

If you can’t tell by now, Boba Fett is a McDLT of cool side Spagetti Western ala Clint Eastwood and hot action like Run Run Shaw beat-ass chumpies.

For that, Fett chooses to take and hold the #978 spot on the Definitive 1000… until he has no more use for it.

Wha?!? Yeah, Fett is my idol... listen, can we do this later?!? I'm a little busy...