Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's really coming...

An earth shattering post from long-lost Shamalama!

Are you ready? Are you on the edge of your seat? Good. It happens today. For real this time. No joke.

An Unfortunate Anniversary

Like a punch to the gut that leaves you gasping for breath, I heard on the radio today that ten years ago on this date the Patron Saint of Comedy for The Friendly Friends was taken from us.

Without further ado, here is a re-run of The Friendly Friends' tribute to Phil Hartman....

#990 - Phil Hartman

FFJewbacca: Here’s how to sum up the genius of Phil Hartman:

1. Lionel Hutz
2. Troy McClure
3. The Smurfs
4. John “Vicky” Johnson
5. Quick Change
6. The Sinatra Group
7. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
8. Soylent Green is made out of people! PEOPLE!
9. Three Amigos!
10. Lyle Lanley and the Monorail Song

When the Friendly Friends meet, at least 7 of these characters or lines will be quoted ad nauseum.

Name one other performer with the same range and the same profound effect on pop culture. Phil Hartman had a hand in all 10 of these things either as a performer or writer.

And these are just the 10 things that the Friendly Friends discuss on a regular basis during our live stage shows. Which by stage shows I mean sitting at the bar or while playing video games.

But you get my drift. This list leaves out his brilliance in NewsRadio, his voiceover work in cartoons ranging from Duck Tales to GoBots, all of his other brilliant SNL characters (such as the “Sassy” guy), the countless other movies he’s been in, and the fact that he started out designing album covers for CSNY and America.


FFMatt: He’s the ultra mega bomb even from beyond the grave. On SNL from ‘86 to ’94 he killed me up with his ability to play a supporting character that totally steals scenes. And while his movement and facial expressions where hilarious, it was his voice that had such unbelievable character and range. Take a look at IMDB and you’ll see a ton of voice work. That wasn’t luck. That was skill, which rhymes with Phil.

When I heard he died I actually filled up a bit. The first thing I thought was that I always figured I’d meet him at an airport and tell him thanks for all the laughs and I figured that unlike most celebs, he’d probably appreciate yet another Joe thanking him for what he seemed to do even when he wasn’t getting paid for it. I felt robbed. I think everyone did.

He reminds me of that one guy that everyone knows that can just break a room up and still keep a backbone of dignity… but in a mega-ultra way. He couldn’t be beat. That says a lot when you look at his cast mates on SNL and others he has worked with.

Phil we love you. We can’t have a Definitive 1000 without you.

FFSweaty Irishman: From Frank Sinatra to Phil Donahue, Ronald Reagan to Bill Clinton, Phil Hartman impersonated every one under the sun at SNL. Phil was the funniest cast member the first day he arrived, and he was the funniest cast member the day he left. I am sure anyone who worked with him would say so and there were some heavy hitters on the show during his reign such as Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock… just to name a few. It was pretty clear to me that Hartman was the “go to guy” at SNL. If they needed something to be funny…put Phil in the sketch. If they needed someone to impersonate someone…let Phil do it. Phil did Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton and the only reason he didn’t do George Bush most likely is because he was too busy impersonating Barbara Bush! As funnier as his impersonations were, the most memorable Hartman moments for me came from his last sketch of the night, let Phil do what he wants stuff such as “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” or the “Anal Retentive Chef”. Phil had such a great way of delivering unfunny material in a funny way that he must have made the writers jobs so much easier during his time at SNL.

Outside of SNL, Phil lent his genius and voice to enhance such great shows as The Simpsons. Whether it is Lionel Hutz (AKA Miguel Sanchez) or Troy McClure and his romantic abnormality towards fish, any episode Phil showed up in is generally one of the funniest. You then of course have his great scene stealing cameos like in So I Married an Axe Murder as “Vicki” the Alcatraz Tour Guide. No one says, “pissing into the bitches ocular cavities” as funny as Phil Hartman! He lent his voice to numerous other cartoons, helped co-create Pee-Wee’s playhouse and co-wrote the film (vastly underrated).

Finally, to really help people understand just how funny and loved Phil Hartman is to me I will say this. I am not old or young. I remember where I was when the Challenger Shuttle blew up. I remember where I was when Joe Carter killed off the closest chance I had at experiencing a championship in Philadelphia, and I also remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard Phil Hartman was killed. It may not sound like much, but for such a moment to be burned into my memory should give some indication as to how saddened and even angry I was when I learned the news. I still laugh whenever I hear his voice, and I still feel the loss when I realize I will never hear anything new from him.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

From the Immature Humor Files Of FFJewbacca

I tell people sometimes that inside my head I stopped aging, and therefore maturing, around the age of 13.

Here's photographic proof of this phenomenon:

That's right. Mrs. Jewbacca's brother responding to my remark that someone should pinch that building.

Greatest Thing I've Seen in a Long Time

I may be late to this party, but I just got back to civilization in the last 24 hours or so.

This is the finest hockey highlight I've seen in some time:

Bitter? Me?

[Tip of the hat to With Leather. I know it was at other places too. I like With Leather, so they get the Tip O' the Hat.]

Mystery Solved...

I know that the tens of avid readers of The Friendly Friends have been clamoring for news about the whereabouts of our very own Shamalama. It's been more than a long time since we've heard from him and I know that many of you have suffered more than one sleepless night pondering this very question.

Well, wonder no more.

I spent the holiday weekend camping at an amusement park in the middle part of our fine Commonwealth and have pictorial evidence of where Mr. Shamalama has been spending his time:

That's right. He apparently is trying out material for his one man show, brilliantly titled "Shamalama" in front of sparse crowds at Knoebel's Groves outside of Elysburg, Pa. Talk about off-Broadway.

And just look at the company he's keeping:

No wonder we haven't heard from him. Quite the big-timer, huh?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#971 - Breakfast Cereal

Through the first 33 years of my life, my appetite has gone through many stages. What I eat, how I eat and how much I eat has gone through waves of change. For instance, I never used to like Chinese food. Now I salivate every time I drive by a King Buffet. Some tastes have never changed, such as Sweet Potatoes. I look at that god-awful excuse for a vegetable as some sort of divine poop. Its shape, its size and its taste can only be described as celestial excrement. I can just imagine the big man upstairs looking down on us every third Thursday in November and begging us to stop. I imagine he is saying something along the lines of…”Look, it was day 6, I was tired, I had to go, and it was a long way back to my place. I never expected you guys to eat it! I even tried to bury it! You can add as much brown sugar and marshmallow to it as you want, it will still taste like shit!” Ok, so I don’t like sweet potatoes. There are also foods that as a young lad, I did enjoy, such as tapioca pudding. Nowadays, I would sweep the leg of any man who dared offer me any of that putrid gobbledy goop!
One thing that has never changed, and never will change is my love of Breakfast Cereal. As a child, some of my happiest most relaxing memories are of sitting at the bright and sunny table in the early Saturday morning hours, eating a heaping bowl of my favorite breakfast cereal of the day, and getting lost in the fine literature on the back of the box.

I am convinced that if it where not for cereal boxes I would be illiterate today. Whether it be reading about the fine prize included inside the box, which I would have already dug out before the first bowl was poured, or reading about the tie-in between cereal and upcoming movie. It was always just enough to get me through one bowl of cereal.
Back in the day, as is the case currently, you had various cartoon characters that represented their respective cereals. Some did it well, some not so well. Of course, changes have been made over the years to appease the PC health conscious world. Sugar Corn Pops became Corn Pops. Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks, and for some reason, the Trix Rabbit thought he would fool us into changing from the traditional ball shaped cereal, to “more healthy looking” fruit shaped cereal. This change alone forced me away from Trix, as I grew tired of all the blood transfusions required after cutting the roof of my mouth with jagged fruit shaped Trix. Speaking of Trix, did anyone else think those kids were pretty cruel and selfish? Give the poor rabbit a bowl of Trix already!
You had other characters that brought the cereal to life, such as Sonny the Cuckoo bird. He apparently had some sort of psychotic episode whenever he was in the vicinity of Cocoa Puffs. I think the medical term is Chocophilia. Another character in the bird category was Toucan Sam. I always thought Sam was a bit pretentious for a tropical bird representing a fruity cereal shaped like zeros. That is not to say I did not enjoy Fruit Loops. I did, and do! My son had some this weekend!
You also had some second tier characters such as the Honey Bear who represented Golden Crisp and the Dig ‘Em Frog, representing Honey Smacks. To this day I am still trying to discern the difference between these two cereals.

So one uses a wooden spoon to scoop the honey and the other uses that fancyhoney scooping thingy? Is that the difference?

They look the same, taste the same and if the box is kept in an environment with any humidity at all it will form a solid cereal brick in a matter of days.
As a child, my mother would make feeble attempts to make us eat the healthy cereals. She would come back with 3 boxes of cereal. Cocoa Puffs, Kix, and Raisin Bran. I believe she still has those boxes of Kix and Raisin Bran. The great thing about cereal is that there are so many choices! From the sugary Lucky Charms to the bland Puffed Rice, from the sweet Golden Grahams to the unnaturally expensive Cracklin Oat Bran…you always have options. That is not even talking about the limited edition cereals or the promotional cereals that stop making sense after a few months. See Mr. T cereal, C3PO’s, and Smurf Berry Crunch.

The Mr. T cereal was appropriatley shaped, but why were C3PO's shaped like 8's?

As a child was I bitter that I never saw a Philadelphia athlete on a box of Wheaties? You bet! Was I annoyed when I kept getting the same Sticky Fingers toy in my box of Alpha-bits? Oh yeah!

Did any of those issues turn me away from my sugar and grain filled breakfast buddy? Hell no! I learned alot from Cereal Spock!

This creal is illogicaly delicious

The beauty of cereal is that it can be eaten any time of day. It can be eaten in a little bowl, as 5-year-old Sweaty Irishman can attest. It can be eaten in a mixing bowl, as 15 year old Sweaty Irishman can attest, and it can be eaten write out of the box, if you were lucky enough to get your hands on a variety pack…which I rarely was.
Every once in a while a cereal betrays me. During my youth, as a boy named Mike, I had to hear constant echoes of the Life cereal slogan…”Hey! Mikey likes it!.”

It was lucky for them I DID like it!

Some of the changes have not been to my liking, as the aforementioned Trix shapes will suggest. Lucky Charms has gotten a little too complicated for my tastes regarding the marshmallows as well. I miss the green clovers, orange stars, yellow moons and pink hearts. Now you have the rainbow colored rainbow, purple horseshow, shooting stars, yellow pots of gold, and I think I saw a marshmallow CHUD in there at one point. They almost need to put a disclaimer on the box for people with epilepsy.
All that being said, I will never stop enjoying a nice bowl of cereal in the morning. I still read the box, as for the toys…I was using my light up Indian Jones spoon this morning to scoop my Captain Crunch.

You had me at crunchy.

For all these reasons, fine literature, fun toys, great memories and a tasty meal…cereal takes its place on The Friendly Friends Definitive 1000.

Top 5 Things Philly Can Safely Root For

Alright, 6 things to root for...

After the second shut out this year for the Fightin’s just after the Penguins are confirmed for a Cup Dance, here’s a Top 5 Things Philadelphia Can Safely Root For:

1. More Pigeons
2. Greasy Brown Rivers
3. Paper bags of soft Pretzels smoked in car exhaust for delicious roadside retail
4. Angelo Cataldi’s phlem shaking loose by exasperated laments
5. Every other state in the union failing miserably at reverse engineering the complexity called the cheese steak

Monday, May 19, 2008

I Was Right

I'm filled with Spaghetti-O's of course... Spaghetti-O's with franks.

I love being right. July 2007 I predicted that Iron Man would rock. I was right.

This past Saturday the wife and I headed out for a rare kidless Saturday night. We got our loan for the tickets cosigned and we took our seats in steerage, er, stadium seating.

Coming from Mrs. FFMatt, who cares little for superheroes or Robert Downey Jr.: Iron Man was impressive, mostly because it didn’t feel much like a superhero movie. There was adventure. There was enough plot. Effects were great. People laughed and seemed to care for the characters.

My wife asked questions about back story and about the thing that happened after the credits. That impressed me most since she wasn’t just trying to get into my pants after 8 years of marriage, she actually wanted to know more. About a superhero movie.

Four thumbs up from my matrimonial franchise. Go see Iron Man.

Et Tu NHL???

From the always awesome comes this knife twist:


[Original here. Enjoy!]

I Still Hate The Penguins, But This Is Kinda Cool...

I didn't stick around until the bitter end yesterday. I was saved by a Reno 911 marathon and a well-timed fire call so I didn't get to see the handshakes or the post-game celebration kick in the gut.

But doing my post-mortem of the season this morning turned this up, from

PITTSBURGH - There were smiles and pats on the back. But no jumping up and down at the buzzer and certainly no wild celebration in the dressing room.

The Pittsburgh Penguins continue to surprise with their maturity and poise, calmly digesting their latest chapter in what is proving to be a magical season, a 6-0 win Sunday over the Philadelphia Flyers that clinched a Stanley Cup final berth.

''We still have a long way to go,'' said Penguins winger Ryan Malone. ''So there's nothing to celebrate, that's for sure.''

Eastern Conference champion t-shirts and caps awaited the players in the dressing room. The players ignored them.

''We're not going to wear these shirts or these hats,'' said forward Pascal Dupuis. ''We want the big prize.''

Gotta give them some credit for that. It's nice to see a team not celebrate every single step of the journey to the Finals. I always wonder why baseball teams that clinch the Wild Card ("YAY!! We're the 4th best team in our league and would not have made the postseason at all if it wasn't for Bud Selig's 1990's money grabbing expansion!!!) soak each other with champagne.

Hope they don't regret it when Detroit destroys them in the Final...

[Original story on here. That's Canadia's version of ESPN, which almost singlehandedly kept me and the Mighty Malagan in our Oshawa hotel room. We'd never seen a Sportscenterre so packed with hockey highlights. I sobbed at its beauty...]

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Great Season, but...

First off, thank you to the Orange and Black for giving us quite a season and our first visit to the Stanley Cup Playoffs since the 2005-2006 season. Rising up from the ashes of last season's debacle to make it to the Eastern Conference finals was above and beyond what anyone should have expected. So to the Flyers, thank you.

BUT...4-1??? Seriously??? A 6-0 blowout after what you guys did on Thursday night??

You came out with such intensity and determination on Thursday! Today you came out with whatever the exact 180 degree opposite of intensity and determination is. From the opening face-off on you looked lost and totally confused as to how to play the sport of hockey. How could a team that played with such fire on Thursday night (not to mention in the first two series) look so lost today??

Sigh. I think I would have rather the Flyers lost on Thursday night and not get eliminated by a 6-0 blowout.

But seriously, thank you for an always entertaining, though not always in a good way, season and 2/3 of a great post-season run.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Top 5 Come On Lines for Librarians

She blinded me with library science

  1. You make me feel like classification 582 on the Dewey Sexual System.
  2. "Semantic Tool" is my OCLC screen name.
  3. Your enormous canvas tote really brings out your eyes.
  4. I brought you this boquet made of Post-Its. No, they weren't from your budget.
  5. Tonight your cats can watch us.

Why yes, I want to look up something...

No Sweep Til [crunchy guitar chords].....Pittsburgh!

Thanks to the Flyers for not rolling over and dying last night at home.

Now maybe to steal one in the 'Burgh and bring one game back to South Philly?

If they play the way they played the first two periods and the last couple of minutes of the third last night, on Sunday it's possible.

Am I calling the next in a series of 33 year miracles? You know the one about how the Leafs came back from a 3-0 deficit to win the Cup over the Red Wings in 1942, and then the Islanders came back from a 3-0 deficit to beat these same Pens in 1975 all leading to the fact that it is 33 years after the last one so someone is due?

Not yet.

But I will say this, they aren't getting swept.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I Hate Being Right

One of the most lackadaisical, bumbling displays of hockey I have ever witnessed.

Why do the Flyers (I'm looking at you Downie) have such an aversion to playing the "North-South" (a term I hate) game? Why did they insist all night on passing side to side instead of dumping it down low? Why do they look like an entirely different team than the one that won the first two rounds? Where the hell did Joe Beninati and Darren Eliot come from and can we send them back?

So either they roll over in Game Four or they raise our hopes by winning one on home ice, but it's over.

At least The Office is on. Ha! The one where Michael grills his foot and Dwight gets a concussion!!

Concussions aren't funny to Flyers fans....

I had hoped that a GIS for "Flyers Girls" would cheer me up. It didn't. But here you go.

A Thought At 9:14 p.m. As I Watch The Flyers' Season Slowly Die...

If they don't keep the puck in the Pittsburgh end for more than 10 seconds at a time, they are finished.

And so is the season.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Sweaty Irishman Thoughts

Phutile to be a Philadelphia Phan?

As you all know by now, The Friendly Friends are based out of the Delaware Valley. Making most of us loyal Philadelphia Sports Fans. We each have our favorites of course. I am an Eagles/Phillies guy with a strong interest in the Flyers and a very minimal interest in the Sixers. I think it would be safe to categorize Jewbacca as a Flyers Fan First & Foremost (That was a lot of non-obscene F words), then Eagles/Phillies and maybe even less then minimal interest in the Sixers. FFMatt, I would say is an equal opportunity fan for the Flyers/Eagles with the Phillies bringing up the rear, and again…Sixers are lame. If we get into Pissah and his new favorite Boston Teams or Shamalama and his bizarre mix of Chicago and D.C. sports teams we could be here all day.
Another interesting, well-known and tragic fact is, The Friendly Friends have grown up not knowing what it feels like to win a championship. Yes, we were all alive when the Phillies won it in 80. None of us were old enough to appreciate or care at the time. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl. The last time the Flyers won the Stanley Cup it was socially acceptable that FFMatt and I were taking baths together and Jewbacca was still cultivating his Brillo hair and eating kosher baby food while watching episodes of Captain Noah and Al Albert’s Showcase.

Anyone else ever wonder about him and Larry Ferrari?

The Sixers were actually the last Philadelphia team to win a championship in 1983 and as stated earlier…who cares. We hadn’t even hit puberty yet anyway!
That finally brings me to the point of this post. We have all been waiting 25 years, basically our entire sports conscious lives to experience a championship…and we are still waiting. The Friendly Friends lives have been filled with occasional excruciatingly close near misses in this regard, but more often than not it was another regular season, followed by quick exit from the playoffs or no playoffs at all. We have had obstacles of all kinds in each sport. Some people call it the curse of William Penn, or if you are Mike Turico, the curse of Ben Franklin.

Who knew a Quaker would be so spiteful!

Ever since Philadelphia erected buildings taller than the brim of Billy Penn’s cap on top of City Hall in 1984 this city has gone winless. Poppycock I say! I don’t believe in that rubbish. I do believe we have had some pretty bad owners, coaches and players in the past 25 years though! But I also think we have had our share of bad luck and bizarre experiences.
We have learned so many things as Philadelphia sports fans. In 1993, the Phillies, and Jewbacca’s little brother, taught us that Joe Carter was one of the best power hitters of our time.

I will get yelled at for even putting this image on here.

In 1987 the Flyers taught us that the only thing that could stop them from winning the Stanley Cup is if they had to face perhaps the greatest professional sports team ever assembled.

I smashed my potato clock I was so upset.

Thank you Edmonton Oilers including, but not limited to…Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Paul Coffey, Jari Kurri, Grant Fuhr, and Essa Tikkanen. The Flyers also taught us in 1997 that even the best team in Hockey can be swept in the Finals. In 2000 they were nice enough to teach us that a team up 3-1 in the Eastern Conference Finals can still lose, despite getting back their best player after gaining that 3-1 lead. We also learned a lot about concussions that year. The Philadelphia Eagles taught us in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s that the only way a team that’s defense that included Reggie White, Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner, Eric Allen and Wes Hopkins would not win a Super Bowl is if you had a coaching staff who put as much work into offensive game plans as I put into auto repair. They also taught us in 2004 that we would win our first Super Bowl…as long as our Quarterback didn’t vomit in the huddle and as long as our Coach included a 2-minute drill in the game plan.
We have had many other bizarre occurrences that have impeded our road to a championship in our lifetime. Horrible Aprils for the Phillies, an alien like Fog rolling in at Soldiers Field in Chicago,

This was like Scooby Doo fog.

and perhaps most of all, and the inspiration for this entry…injuries. I know players don’t use them as excuses (much) and I try not to as well, but I am getting fed up. Anyone in Philly not familiar with Torn rotator cuffs, Tommy John surgeries, Lisfranc injuries, sports hernias, concussions (Lindros), concussions (Primeau), concussions (Gagne)…and now…Blood Clot? A friggin blood clot? What? I am driving home from my last final of the semester last night…thinking about the upcoming summer, and also thinking about the excitement brewing in town. Our Flyers have made a remarkable run in the playoffs and are 4 wins away from another appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals! It has been unexpected, and that may be why it is all that more enjoyable. All that stands in our way is a hated Pittsburgh Penguin team loaded with fast young talent with names like Crosby, Hossa and Malkin. Not to worry though…the Flyers secret weapon…the man who has managed to keep in check the likes of Ovechkin and Koivu will be up to the task. Kimmo Timonen, the best Flyers defensemen in years and an All-Star has had as much to do with our success in the playoffs as anyone except maybe Martin Biron. He will make the difference! The only we can’t win this series is if he come down with some strange injury…like a blood clot!

Is this the new "water on the knee"?

The series starts tonight, without Timonen. I will root hard and I still think they have a chance, but once again The Friendly Friends have to get out their Medical Dictionaries and learn the name that may be given for the 26th year without a championship. Blood Clot. The official new mascot of Philadelphia…Buddy the Blood Clot.

My only weakness is Hemophilia

Monday, May 5, 2008

Finally, Someone With Enough Sense to Stand Up to the NRA...

Sgt. Steven Liczbinski

As some of you are aware, the unthinkable happened here in Philly over the weekend.

Three men thugs animals robbed a bank branch in a supermarket and killed a Philly Police Officer who responded to the call.

One of these animals was killed by police, one arrested and one is on the loose.

What did these animals use to kill Sgt. Liczbinski?

The SKS carbine - considered simple and rugged - weighs about 8.5 pounds and can be bought legally for as little as $179. Instructions for cleaning and routine maintenance can be found on YouTube.

And what kind of ammo?

The gun that killed officer Liczbinski was outfitted with a 30 cartridge magazine and fired a 7.62x39mm bullet...

What does that mean to those of us sane people not obsessed with guns?

The SKS dates to the mid-40s and was originally designed for the Soviet infantry. The Red Army replaced the SKS with the AK-47. The Chinese military bought the SKS manufacturing equipment and produced more than 8 million of them.

Here is the million dollar question: For what possible purpose would three worthless animals have such a firearm?

Pretty much for the reason it was used: To penetrate a police car and an officer's bulletproof vest. There is no other reason for anyone to own this gun. You hunt with it, and you will be picking pieces of the critter you killed (congratulations little man!) out of the surrounding trees.

And this is exactly why Mayor Nutter signed a bill into law that would outlaw the sale and possession of assault rifles in the City of Philadelphia. There is no earthly reason to have a weapon of this type, outside of the military uses for which it was designed, unless you work overnight security in Jurassic Park or have particularly angry killer whales on your paper route.

And what did Mayor Nutter get for his troubles?

The NRA immediately sued the city on the grounds that the city does not have the authority to enact local gun control. They obtained a temporary restraining order to keep the city from enforcing the new laws.

That's right. The NRA sued the City of Philadelphia to block the enforcement of this and four other laws the Mayor sought to have put on the a city that saw 392 murders in 2007.

So what did the Mayor have for the NRA today?

"I think it's insane," Nutter said. "The fact that we put forward a piece of legislation to prevent the sale and use and transfer of assault weapons and have a Philadelphia police officer assaulted on the streets with one, I think makes it pretty clear to anyone who is confused about this issue that there's no reason for any citizen, any person other than in law enforcement or in the military to have such a weapon."

He added: "There's no legitimate argument by the NRA, they need to get in the real world where the rest of us live and come to grips with these kinds of issues. They owe an apology to the family for their staunch opposition over many, many years blocking legislative support for these kinds of matters.

Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself with a speechwriter and two editors.

The NRA's response? Who cares. This is 1/3 my site and I don't have to give equal time to anyone, least of all those lunatics in the NRA.

Am I naive enough to think that an assault weapon ban would have stopped this? No, I am not. There is a reason these animals were criminals...I doubt they would have let a little ban on assault weapons stop them from getting one.

Am I too naive to see that this may be the Mayor cashing in on a family's grief to prove a point in a political-legal battle he may very well lose? No, I see that as well.

But the point is someone in a position of power in this great Commonwealth of Pennsyltucky is standing up to the louts of the NRA. Will it go anywhere? Probably not. Will it stop the lobbying in Harrisburg to "protect" our "Second Amendment" right to bear arms ? Probably not. Will it even help to get the state's appellate courts to reverse themselves and allow Philly to police itself when it comes to guns? Not a chance.

Does it make me feel a little better about this f'd up world to hear an elected official actually call the NRA out? You bet it does.

And when something this terrible happens, you need to look at the little things that make you feel one iota better than you did a minute ago. So thank you Mayor Nutter for giving us at least that tiny bit of hope -- hope that maybe not all is lost when it comes to the NRA and its insane agenda.

Did I mention that Sgt. Liczbinski left behind a wife and three children? Want to help? Here's how:

Donations can be sent to: Stephen Liczbinski Family Memorial Trust Fund, Police & Fire Federal Credit Union, 901 Arch St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

Donations can also be taken to the Fourth District, 1301 S. 11th St.; the 24th District, 3901 Whitaker Ave.; or the branches of the Police and Fire Credit Union at 901 Arch St., 7604 City Ave., 8500 Henry Ave., 3338 S. Broad St., Byberry and Bustleton Avenue (Leo Mall), 7500 Castor Ave., or 3330 Grant Ave.

[Picture from as well as the quotes above]

[UPDATE: They caught the missing animal last night well before the self-imposed deadline of Sgt. Liczbinski's funeral!! May he rot in hell.]

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Sorry NHL and Canada...


I bet you're expecting a caption where Umberger points the way to the first tee...

Even though they were outplayed through most of the series the Flyers are on the way to their first Conference final since 2004. Biron and Umberger are probably the main reasons.

So the Orange and Black have foiled two of the NHL's master plans:

Plan A: Get the Caps into the Conference final against Crosby and Malkin. This will be a ratings bonanza.

Plan B: Get the most storied franchise in the history of the NHL, and the final Canadian team into the Conference final against anyone. This will be a ratings bonanza.

I believe Plan C involves some sort of "Lost"-like disappearance of the Flyers plane somewhere over the Allegheny Mountains.

In January 1907 the Kenora Thistles won the Stanley Cup by beating the Montreal Wanderers 4-2 and 8-6. Mike Richards is from Kenora.

So strap in Flyers fans. The NHL will probably stop at nothing to make sure that Crosby makes the Finals, so this series should have even more frustrating calls, non-calls and terrible video replays.

Hayden, you're not supposed to touch it until you win it...

Friday, May 2, 2008

3:15, Official WTF Time for May 2, 2008... 2 Way TIE!!!

1. I'm sitting in the Hershey Grill on break from attending a conference and the 3 women across from me couldn't spell "Reese's" for a word puzzle for the adorable 1 year old with them. Yes, word puzzle for a one year old.

After debating for 7 minutes on how it may be spelled they gave up. The collective sigh of relief in the area may have felt like air conditioning to their primordial nut brains.

2. All day at the conference I have been talked at by a security guard who seems to be a white supremacist, who mistakes my job (talking with people) as affirmation of his weakly veiled intense dislike of blacks and liberals. He just walked by and waved vigorously as I eat.

The problem with Earth is it’s filled with people.