Correspondent Challenge The Fourth: More Annoying: People From Boston or Boston the Band

So. It all comes down to this. The epic struggle has been well joined and well fought by both Shamalama and pissah. Well, more better fought by Shamalama, but that is just the opinion of, pretty much everyone.

We were just another band out of Boston, on the road and trying to...ah screw it.

Here is the fourth and final battle between these titans of text, these behemoths of banter, these mountains of the monologue these...well, see for yourself:

From the_undercover_pissah:

Well Brad Delp just swallowed the seed of the silver cylinder, so the Band Boston just got 20% less annoying. 40% less annoying if you figure in all his Vegan, animal rights cr@p . So I'd say the people and the band are about even now.

Wait, I stand corrected. I thought I remember hearing Delp had shot himself. Nope, he lit a charcoal grill in a closed room and died of carbon monoxide poisoning. What does a Vegan need a grill for anyway?

The Band Boston is now twice as annoying as the people of Boston. And that's an accomplishment when you talk about a region that allows people to drive in the break-down lane, rather than build bigger roads. That's right, you actually have to merge across a lane of insane jack-arses who are usually driving 15-20 mph faster then the people in the slow lane just to get onto the highway. And to top it off, if you expect to exit said highway, you better have good shocks and be willing to join the insanity. Otherwise, you'll get stuck with a train of people passing you as your futilely try turn into the exit ramp.

According to my search, these are "Boston Nightclub Hotties." Are they hot? I don't know. Are they annoying, most likely.

And from Shamalama:

Seeing as though the Band Boston originated before I did, and also I have never been to Boston I will stereotype each into two categories from what I've learned through the internets, moviefilms as well as classic rock stations.

Gay All Male Harmonizers or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck "R" Dropping Irishmen...

Which do I dislike more?

After summarizing it that way, do we have to have either?

Holy cow. pissah really offers a well-thought, thoroughly sane opinion. You can almost feel the rage that courses through him as he sets out on his commute each day. He didn't go for the cheap accent thing or the whole tunnel collapse or even the "we found some Lite-Brites with a small cartoon character flipping us the bird, let's shut down the city" thing. For my money I would have gone with the goddam Sawx and how I can't take another baseball season of having that crap shovelled down my throat. Didn't they pay $52 million just to talk to some Japanese pitcher? So how are they different from the Yankees? But I digress.

The_undercover_pissah truly weighed the two options and made a very informed decision.

Unfortunately, he loses. Shamalama got the answer 100% correct. Sorry pissah, looks like the final is 4-nil for Shamalama.

Shamalama, you are the big winner of the Correspondent Challenge! Our official prize giver-outer, The Sweaty Irishman, is on his way to your home with your prize. Hope you've had a tetanus booster recently!

Correspondent Challenge No. 3: Skittles - Deadly or Delicious?

Well Friendly Friends, it's time for round 3 between Pissah & Shamalama. The first two rounds were close but Pissah is down 0-2. Let's see if he comes back strong in round 3.

The Answer given by Pissah:

Choking to death never tasted so sweet!

The Answer given by Shamalama:

Let's step back.... back into time.

The year 1988... Summer... I was a young punk kid with nothing to lose. I bought my first real six-string at the five and dime. That was the Summer of '88.

I liked playing baseball, we wore meat helmets, luge lessons... quite typical really.

What does this have to do with Skittles?

Nothing actually. I just couldn't think of one GOD DAMN REASON NOT TO LOVE THEM!

Just make sure you take them out of the wrapper first. I was hungry, and they were Skittles. Simple mistake. Happens to the best of us, SHUT THE HELL UP!

I must say, I think this was a weak effort on both parts. If you two boys want to be taken seriously, if you want the respect of Friendly Friends everywhere, you will have to put forth a better effort than that! I think you both need to take a little trip. Go visit an old friend...yourselves. He hasn't seen you in a while. He, needs some TLC obviously. Go do some reflection kids. Ask yourself...Am I really a Friendly Friend? Do I have what it takes to push the envelope to the extreme? Are you sexually active? When you have the answers to those questions, then maybe you will be ready to take each other on the way god & nature intended...in tapioca. Have I mad any sense? Exactly. Shamalama wins.

Correspondent Challenge No. 2: Which State contains more Hispanics?

Alright folks, you had the opportunity to read and report on the winner of argument number 1. It was a close call in my opinion but I would give the win to Shamalama. Not because of anything he wrote, but because I can't get grits at a Dunkin' Donuts. So here is challenge #2. Lend us your eyes and take a gander. I will let you know my opinion at the bottom.

The answer given by Pissah:

Mass wins hands down, there are no Hispanics. Just lots and lots of Portuguese. Wait, is that a win or a loss?

The answer given by Shamalama:

Come on... Come on...

Seriously. You seriously need more proof than that? I will answer the question in a mock David Letterman Top Ten list, minus the lyrical and musical genius of Paul Shaffer.

On a side note, if Max Weinberg, Paul Shaffer, that Black Guy from Jay Leno and Doc Gibbs from Emeril Live got together that would be friggin' awesome. I'd buy that album. Sign me up. That would be like all the kids from Captain Planet combining their powers plus that Power Rangers Robot and all the Ninja Turtles.... That's a goldmine man.

Back to the original topic...

Number 10: Government offices have to declare what language is the official language to use.

Number 9: The name of the state is FLORIDA... a Spanish word.

Number 8: The old governor had to give his speeches in English and then Spanish.

Number 7: I get asked, "Do you speak Spanish? " in perfect English at least 30 times a day. Number 6: Every other radio station is a Hispanic station.

Number 5: Miami, enough said.

Number 4: I have a Spanish nickname from co-workers and I have no idea what it means. Number 3: Our two main sources of economy are agriculture and construction.

Number 2: We are a stones throw from Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic and border the Gulf of MEXICO.

and Number 1: actually I don't have another... just make number two number one and so forth in that fashion...

HEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ** As I throw a pencil at the computer screen.

Sweaty Irishman's assessment:

My heart tells me Shamalama is the winner. My head also tells me Shamalama is the winner. However, after reading this debate the only one who inspired any thought on my part was Pissah's comments. Unfortunately the only thoughts it provoked was for me to wonder if a singular Portuguese person would be called a Portugoose. Therefore Shamalama wins this one to me!

You help make the call in the comments...

Correspondent Challenge No. 1: Dunkin' Donuts vs. Waffle House

Folks, you've waited long enough. We turned the hose on SHAMALAMA and pissah, spackled the holes in the walls, paid off the landlord to ignore the burn marks on the ceiling and found most of their teeth.

Of course, if you've been paying attention, you may notice that this is actually supposed to be Number 4, but this is our place and we make the rules. So Number 4 is now Number 1. Deal.

Here is the answer given by Mr. SHAMALAMA:

Pitting these two behemoths of the perpetual breakfast together is alot like
pitting Michael Jordan vs. Dan Marino. In their own class they are tops. Can't they co-exist? Why all the fighting all the time. But the question is Dunkin'
Donuts vs. Waffle House? So I must not disobey the words.

If you want a good cup of coffee, a nice pastry-like device I'm told is a donut, and a great grammatical use of the contraction, Dunkin' is the place to go.

However, if you want that pastry-like device and coffee covered , diced, smothered, festered, withered, and otherwise loaded down with 18 different types of cholesterol (and no WAITRESS, I DO NOT WANT THE DAMN RANCH DRESSING FOR MY HASH BROWNS NO MATTER IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, SO QUIT ASKING ME!) go no further then your next highway exit.

If I had to choose though I'd pick Dunkin' Donuts because every Waffle House looks like it hasn't been renovated since 1973. And the Ranch Dressing incident of 2003. Sorry waitress YOU BLEW IT HARD!!

And here is the retort from the_undercover_pissah:

I can take a casual walk from my house to 5 Dunkin Donuts shops.

Folks, this may be too close to call. We've run the punchcards through the ENIAC and it appears that it's not actually an ENIAC but several refrigerator boxes with buttons drawn on in magic marker.

Pick the winner in the comments....WHOSE CUISINE REIGNS SUPREME????

FF's "Special" Correspondents

Dear reader, you are in for a treat.

I will not disclose the location of the secret lair of The Friendly Friends, but suffice it to say, it exists in our temporal plane. And by temporal plane I mean the United States.

But we cannot cover all of the United States ourselves. There are vast tracts of land out there that Matt, Sweatman and yours truly can't do any justice to. So to cover these areas (namely New England and the great state of Florida) we have combed the land seeking only the finest journalistic minds out there.

When that didn't work, we settled on SHAMALAMA and the_undercover_pissah. We currently have them handcuffed together swinging maces and cat o'nine tails at each other while they face off on four of the most important questions ever:

1. Skittles: Deadly or Delicious?
2. More annoying: People from Boston or the band Boston?
3. Which state contains more Hispanics?
4. Dunkin' Donuts vs. Waffle House?

Why? Why not? Do you have anything better to do? I thought not.