Who really runs things in Florida...

If you haven't had the opportunity to live in Central Florida within the last 5 years or so like me and the Sweaty Irishman you haven't had a chance to see who really runs the show. It's not the people. It's not the Governor. It's not even the Mafia. It's this guy:

Who is this charismatic and optimistic guy? An Asian Bunson Honeydew? NO!

He is the man with no name. He doesn't exist in real life. He only exists on the TV tube, as the owner and appliance connoisseur of local upstart Appliance Direct.

What started as a small mom and pop establishment of a few stores, Appliance Direct now stands tall, with this fellow pictured above reigning over Central and South Florida's Appliance empire like an Asian Al Capone controlling the market with an iron thumbs-up. No one steps on his turf and lives to tell about it.

What began as short commercials showcasing the latest products and developments, he's now the William Randolph Hearst of public access television all across the Sunshine State. With his folksy catch phrases to his personal demonstrations of the durability and design of each and every dishwasher to washing machine, he tightens his grip. He is a veritable god of home gadgets: The Whiz of the Whirlpool, Master of Maytags.

Here's a few of his clips:


One of the Irishman's Favs





So, where does this story go from here? That's a good question. At the rate he's taking control of the state, be on the lookout for a store opening near you sometime in the near future. He loves appliances and you'd better fall in line. He's already too powerful, resistance is futile. Or as he would say... It's WACKIE NU-NU!

So it Goes.

The title of this blog seemed appropriate for the events that have preceded it during the last week. If you aren't familiar with it, let me fill you in...

From Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five:


'When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in a bad condition in that particular moment, but that same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is 'So it goes'.''

The horrible incident at Virginia Tech this week was a tragic and unfortunate reminder of the culture that we live in and of the affect one disturbed and twisted individual can have on our society. Whatever the motive was behind this is moot. Nothing can justify the actions of that person. I will not even dignify the person behind this by mentioning their name. Of course this underscores the crime and lack of gun control in the United States, but that discussion is for another time, another blog. Talk about that now would overshadow the memory of the victims and their families at a time when they need the support and assistance from everyone.

Not much can be said about what happened. It cannot be changed, only reflected upon and learned from.


"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies, he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just the way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever."

In memory of all the victims of the Virginia Tech Shootings.


Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007

Shamalama - A Memoir...

King of Kings. Jack of all trades. A cultured, sophisticated... MAN ABOUT TOWN!

Who is Shamalama? What makes him tick?

The year, 1981. A moment that would forever change the History books. An event that would redefine "Cool".

The setting, Orlando, FL. Fast forward 5 years.

I begin my education. I laugh, I love, I learn. I make my mark.

MayDay King. My reward... a solid gold Burger King crown and a suit from Sears.

Again we move forward.

Little League -- my illustrious career overshadowed by the stat, 0 homeruns. I decide not to go pro. Baseball isn't ready for me. At least that's what I tell myself.

On to Tennis. I coulda went pro... but the Sweaty Irishman took out his losing streak on my lucky racquet and my ankle. On to plan "C".

What was plan "C" again?

Present Day. Still in Florida. I hate beaches, the location and the movie. I hate lightning. I love cold weather. Its a land of retirees, transplants and crappy drivers. Very few natives anymore. I think its smallpox that's finishing off my people.

I'm a Cubs fan, but only been to Chicago once. I'm a Redskins fan, sorta. I love movies. I like to disagree with everything just for the hell of it.

I'm married and have two boys. How my wife puts up with me I do not know. My boys are as crazy as I am which is cool. Keeps everyone on their toes.

That's pretty much me in a nutshell. Portions of this telecast not affecting the outcome have been edited out. This introduction has been edited to fit your screen.

In parting...

"PUTTIN ON THE WITZ!"