Thursday, July 12, 2007

Past 1, Future 0: Brightness of Future and need to “Gotta" Wear Shades in Doubt

Walking to physical therapy yesterday showed me something special. People don’t know what time it is. Normally that’s just the world. But sometimes the little things break me, especially since it is 2007.

Thanks, asshole.

What is not fine or special is every Axe-doused or Fendi-toting re-re walking around with 1970 style mirrored sheriff sunglasses with the swagger that says, boum chickie-boum boum. On one walk smack jobs had 32 pairs on, no lie.

One or two I can take.

At least the era of leather Africa medallions in Philadelphia (1985-1991,) gaudy mode that it was, contained a powerful point (in my High School at least.) The white, college-prep Catholic school dress code was trumped by young African identity and hung unchallenged on razor ties from first period to the subway home… and nobody could issue a demerit about it. Word up and I’m with that.

Q: What happens when Lenny Kravitz suffers violent blunt trauma to the head?

A: This guy

But these sunglasses? That's what you do with your time? This is the kind of “buying the cool” purchase all dopy white people like Donald Rumsfeld would be convinced is truly kick-ass, as he picked up a pair at a turnpike rest stop along with a Diet Dr. Pepper and the latest issue of Hiney. America, you are all a bunch of sheep and defintly not porn stars. None of you would dare attempt real eyewear on your own, especially when you were actually making an original statement in the process.

My Direct Command: Go big, get off the 70's jock, be strong and wear Kool Moe Dee eyewear.

The man asked you a question... I suggest you answer him.

1 comment:

FFJewbacca said...

FFMatt you are my hero. I cannot stand those giant bug eye sunglasses that every Lohan, Duff, Hilton or Richie wanna-be wears and it is only a matter of time before I start smackin' the taste out of people's moufs for wearin' them.