Saturday, September 29, 2007

Pennsylvania Ninjas to World: Menthol Crane style beats Sunoco Lotus style

Fed up with Pennsylvania Ninjas and trained by Halo 3, local store owners draw the line.

Pennsylvania Ninjas shock the world as they confirm their existance with daring raid on fuel giant Sunoco:

FFMatt and guest commentator Angus McCloud postulate on ninja modus operandi...

Angus McCloud
: The cash and cigarettes I can understand. A ninja’s gotta get his (her) smoke on. But I don’t think they went in there for lottery tickets. Here’s how I think it went down:

Ninja 1: Dis lobbely!
Clerk: Huh?
Ninja 2: Lobbely! Lobbely!
Clerk: Lottery?
Ninja 1: Yeah, lobbely!
Clerk: Pick 6 or scratch off?

FF Matt: Totally. Ninjas adapt and take risks...

Angus McCloud: I’m still trying to piece together the would-be ninjas mindset leading up to the lobbely:

Ninja 1: What you want to do?
Ninja 2: Scale wall with bare hands?
Ninja 1: No.
Ninja 2: Battle to death with skilled opponent?
Ninja 1: Uh-uh.
Ninja 2: Well, what you want to do?
Ninja 1: Need smoke while think about it. Get sword. Come with me.
Ninja Mom: You stay out trouble! You home by ereven!

FFMatt: Spot on. I'd love to see Ninjas cashing in lottery tickets too:

Ninja 1: Dish winnah?
Clerk: No
Ninja 2: Dish?
Clerk: Nope.
Ninja 1: Dish one winnah.
Clerk: No it's not.
Ninja 2: Hm?
Clerk: That's not a winner either.
Ninja 1 (posing): aaaaAAAAAWWWWW! DISH ONE!?!
Clerk: You won a dollar.
Ninja 2: How much new ticket?!?
Clerk: A dollar.
Ninja 1: We take.
Ninja 2: That one winnah?
Clerk: Sigh
Ninja 1: No... not winnah
Clerk (walking away): I'm going on break.
Ninja 2: You have smoke bomb?
Ninja 1: Yes but he alwidy gone.
Ninja 2: For camera shtupid. Got transpass?
Ninja 1: I fought you did?!?
Ninja 2: Sigh. Take token. Pay back. (smoke bomb goes off, camera view goes grey, door dings)

If you see a Pennsylvania Ninja DO NOT APPROACH IT as it is considered fur-bearing and trapping one requires a permit.

Search Ninja plus women = a crapload of Hentai and this chick. So brains here gets the nod. Big ups to


FFJewbacca said...

I must say, that as a ninja-American I am very offended by the characterization that we cannot pronounce R's. And that we are somehow addicted to playing scratch-off lottery tickets. I shall now cancel my subscription to this here site.

Good day sir.

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