The Definitive 1000

We are going to be counting down the Definitive 1000 things. Why are they Definitive? Because The Friendly Friends have deemed them as such.

#984 - Underoos

FFMatt's latest addition to the Definitive 1000 got me thinking. I was a little too young I think to truly appreciate the awesome ass kicking power of Action Jeans. It made me wonder what would be the awkward pre-pubescent version of Action Jeans. As my other Friendly Friends would attest, having also spent their developmental years in the late 70's and early 80's, it was a tough choice. I could have gone with Swatch Watches. I could have gone with KangaROOS sneakers, after all, Walter Payton said they were cool! I even thought I had my choice when I remembered slipping on my Freezy Freakies after the blizzard of 1983! Those were really cool! And the cooler they got, the cooler they got, if you get my meaning. Then it came to me like a decal laden, polyester blended bolt of lighting! Underoos! Of Course! [Photo]Growing up, I had a passion for such things as Star Wars, GI Joe, The Super Friends (no relation), and many others. My only problem was I couldn't get enough. Sure I could get my GI Joe action figures out and play with FFMatt in the vacant lot across the street. Sure, I would get excited every time that spinning "Special" appeared on my television indicating Star Wars was about to start.

As wonderful as these things were, none of it could truly satisfy my hungry imagination. If only I could BE Boba Fett! If only I could BE Snake Eyes! Alas, it was not to be. That is until; Fruit of the Loom came along with the greatest product in the history of the world.

Now if I wanted to pilot Slave One, I would slip into my Boba Fett Underoos! Wonder Woman is being held against her will in an underwater lair? Sounds like a job for me, a tub full of water, my Aquaman Underoos and perhaps some well-timed flatulence for effect.

Oh How I miss the days when I could press the faded stick on buttons on my chest to help deftly pilot my X-Wing Fighter. After doing a google image search and coming across the picture below, I realized how much I wish they made Underoos for adults…...but now for very very different reasons.

Never before and never since has there been an undergarment so worthy of my various pre-pubescent protein stains. For all the reasons above, I submit as number 984 on the Definitive 1000, Underoos!